WARNING: excessive long blog, cause i haven't had a H2H with anyone since forever.
I took the bus home from school today. and bus rides give me time to think. I know i'm stupid, and any other bad and negative words, but i really don't care actually. This is the blog where i pen down stupid things, and i will pen down stupid things.
Turning fifteen at such a late date is just not the best feeling in the whole. people talk about how they can "bully" you cause you're a lot younger, and how you have to wait for that one day in a year to come. Truth is, as the years go by, i don't even feel excited because of this anymore. You just see so many people celebrate their birthdays before you, that you're just tired of watching. So i guess this year i didn't really care. I spent this somewhat special day in school, doing work, and trying not to cry cause i'm so tired.
I'm really glad for my parents though. They bought me a chocolate fudge cake, and i love chocolate fudge, and they attempted to bring that spirit into me. Nah i wasn't that cheery today, but i still ate the cake happily :) So this morning i woke up dreading the day, cause of the awful amount of things that are needed to be done today. Nowadays, i just get so tired and annoyed by school, and i just get cranky all the time. I mean i'm not that type that tells anyone everything, or anything that i'm feeling in fact, but i'm pretty much an open book that no one reads. So that's sad.
SMPF has been draining, tiring, and all the negative words that i can describe it with. I know i don't do much really, but it's still so mentally draining, and i really want to get it over with. I really don't know how to describe how i feel towards it, cause i know that the skills will be useful in the long run. but i get so tired and cranky everyday when i reach home, cause it will probably be close to 6, which means i will be too tired to start on any work. Hope that it doesn't eat my friday, cause i want to bake, and go for exco dinner.
Problems in life will never end. It's just that i don't know how to manage it. how do you take care of all these crazy things that happen, and it just repeats itself after it is solved. Tired of always trying to make everything go my way. It's not possible and it's so hard.
I guess that i'm just disappointed this year. With everything. how things turn out, and mostly in myself. What if i just need a hug sometimes?
